| Author | Message | ||
| Laurie Byro
Valued Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 995 Registered: 11-2003 |
Miranda and Caliban It’s not safe to love the other. The black seeds I carry in my purse will grow as lily or vine of jasmine. I’ve plucked brown leaves that resemble claws from my flowers. I’ve dusted the garden with mother-of-pearl and shell, garnished bone china with daisies. I grind the cast-offs of animals. Soft beneath, we lose hardness when we love. As I waited for you to come sun spread its fire on the heads of poppies. Someone in pity cut the chain that kept a dog leashed to a four foot yard. Night after night we’d hear her howl as a man took a stick to her back because she was hungry and dared to want. She races into the long grasses outside your bed, tall grasses filled with snakes. You, who are afraid of darkness, avoid me and my diamond eyes. I see deep into your hunger. While I carried each stone away, lifted the fence that kept you out, I decided not to be scared to know things. Sometimes now I toss fallen butterflies back into the tattered air. | ||
| Dale McLain
Valued Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 838 Registered: 11-2004 |
Laurie ~ This is beautiful and rich. Love the end... and all the rest. take care~dale | ||
| Zephyr
Intermediate Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 2768 Registered: 07-2003 |
A rich and delicious read Laurie. loved that ending.  | ||
| M
Moderator Username: mjm Post Number: 3124 Registered: 11-1998 |
Some small suggestions for you to use or not as you wish, dear Laurie. If they don't fit your vision of the piece, then just ignore: It’s not safe to love the other. [The] [b](B)lack seeds I carry in my purse will grow [as] lily or vine of jasmine. I’ve plucked brown leaves that resemble claws from my flowers. I’ve dusted the garden with mother-of-pearl [and shell], garnished bone china with daisies. I grind the cast-offs of animals. [Soft beneath,] [w](W)e lose hardness when we love. As I waited for you(,) [to come] sun spread its fire on the heads of poppies. Someone in pity cut the chain that kept a dog leashed to a four foot yard. Night after night we’d hear her howl as a man took a stick to her back because she was hungry(,) [and] dared to want. She races into the long grasses outside your bed, tall grasses filled with snakes. You, who are afraid of darkness, avoid [me and] my diamond eyes. I see deep into your hunger. While I carried each stone away, lifted the fence that kept you out, I decided not to be [scared] (afraid) to know things. Sometimes now I toss fallen butterflies back into the tattered air. Hope something I've offered will be of use to you. | ||
| Kathy Paupore
Intermediate Member Username: kathy Post Number: 2029 Registered: 12-2003 |
Laurie, many layers to this. I enjoyed. M has given you some great suggestions. K | ||
| Christopher T George
Intermediate Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 1261 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Laurie Another strong and rich poem. No nits. Bravo. All my best Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ http://www.actorssceneunseen.com/ripper.asp | ||
| Laurie Byro
Valued Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 997 Registered: 11-2003 |
dake, thanks--now I feel like a con or bullshit artist (compared to you Z--how nice, thanks Kathy, yes, M does well by me and MJM thanks sisterfriend and Chris, as always, xo Laurie | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 2389 Registered: 07-2002 |
Laurie, Bravo, dear poet-friend. This one is special. Yes, danger because one "dared/to want." Wow. I needed to read this today. Thank you. best, ljc | ||
| D.J. Clowes
Board Administrator Username: sis Post Number: 217 Registered: 11-1998 |
Reading your work Laurie, is always an epic event. Each poem is a story, myth, legend, the stuff of which dreams are made. You have a grand talent that I truly envy. Sis | ||
| E V Brooks
Intermediate Member Username: lia Post Number: 1143 Registered: 12-2003 |
smashing read laurie... wonderful.. I've got to go read it again now! lia | ||
| Laurie Byro
Intermediate Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1021 Registered: 11-2003 |
hey lisa I went to see "the tempest" as I've been called "miranda" and needed to know this work, I was told I write like she would write or something and so I got this and shipwrecked from that experience AH and sis, smart one. THAT line is from the Tempest as you prolly KNOW, and me being ignorant (but trying to catch up to Willy) did not. Thanks much, truly and lia kisses and hugs to you oops well you KNOW how I like the boys..... peace laurie |
